Today I sit behind this computer screen and am unable to descriptively account to you how much has changed in the past two years. I can honestly say that I am a very different person from who I was back then. Almost everything about me has changed. I wish that I had time to explain the vast differences on the level that each deserves. For starters, I am unable to describe the love and devotion that I feel for my family; something that hasn't always been there to the length that it should've been. I mean it when I say that I miss them everyday that I am not there. I miss having dinner with them, movie nights, working cattle, discussing "inappropriate" things at the dinner table, and even just sitting in the same room. They have taught me so many of the things that a school cannot. They have shown me what hardwork is, what true love looks like, and why you have respect of others and for the earth. One of the most important lessons that they've taught me though is forgiveness. I have made mistakes. I have made many of them but no matter what happens I know that I can always go home, where I belong.
There's so much to say. I wish that I could explain the things that I feel.
Tomorrow is graduation at BHE. Although I am not actually graduating and won't be walking, it signals the end of this chapter of my life. I will no longer be a student at Black Hawk East, the greatest and most challenging place that I've ever experienced. Black Hawk has changed me drastically. I came here a quiet and relatively reserved girl that had few aspirations because I though that I wasn't good enough. Black Hawk and its trials have shown me that I can conquer the world, I can be something- whatever I want! Because of the incredible people that have touched my life, I have the confidence that I need to be successful. I now can honestly say that I believe in myself and my capabilities. I know the limitations that I have but they are not hindering. I can do what I set my mind to. I think perhaps that is the greatest lesson of all. Believing in oneself is something that cannot be taught, only shown. It can make or break a person. I am so thankful to have gained this in the past two years. Being on my own this year has only consecrated this.
For everything that I have done and will do in my future, I give thanks and appreciation to all those who have touched my life and fueled the fire within. I couldn't have ever imagined that I would have such amazing friends and a wonderful family. The people that I have met in the past two years will never be forgotten. These people know exactly who they are. Despite the fact that not all of the people I give thanks to are my friends but also be my nemisses, competitors, and haters. These people have also been so encouraging throughout the years by pushing me to be my best. They have challenged me in a whole new light. The friends that I talk of mean the world to me. They have been there for me through everything. I am so grateful to the Lord that he has brought certain people into my life to bring me to the place that I am today. I came to this school in a happy place and while here I have struggled between happiness, depression, and bouts of suicidal thoughts. My close friends are the ones who kept me content, sane, and alive. Without them I have no idea exactly where I would be today or if I would even be here at all, but I know for certain that it would not be where I am today.
As this chapter closes, I feel sorrow and uncertainy. This chapter has absolutely been the best of my life and I know for sure that I will never forget a single memory and will be telling stories from it for the rest of my life. I feel a bit apprehensive for my future but I know that it will all work out. I trust in the Lord that it will. I am excited for what the next chapter has in store for me. I can only simply hope that it will be comparable to what I have experienced in this chapter. <3
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