My, Oh, my, I've got to be the oddest person ever. Life changes every day around here. A month ago I posted about wantingI to be home and how I was just starting to like it here. Now, again, my mind has changed. I love it here. I don't want to go back to Illinois. In fact, I think I'm here to stay. I went home this past weekend to watch my baby brother graduate high school. I cried. No lies here. I'm so thrilled for him and cannot wait to watch him chase his dreams and take that next step in his life. He is so amazing and although he doesn't realize it yet, he's so smart and understanding that success is undeniable for him.
Although I enjoyed my weekend and was so happy to see my family and Amanda, it really hit me at how little is waiting for me back home. I've got everything that I want and have worked for here in Texas. Sure, it'd be great if my family was here, but I've got a family here with Zeb and Melissa and the incredible friends I've made. I know that I can count on all of them to help me as I continue to chase my dreams, the ones that everyone said I wouldn't reach. I am going home for all of June to get my health straightened out and medicine prescribed, but right after the 4th of July, I'm coming back here to work horses for Zeb. It's a great opportunity and it's exactly what I need, for someone to take a chance on me and have faith in my abilities.
For the first time I can say this honestly, I am where I need to and want to be and I love it. I am chasing my dreams and they are tangible.
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Thursday, April 25, 2013
Peace of Mind
It certainly has been awhile huh? Crazy to think that it's already the end of April and that in less than 3 weeks, I'll be moving back home for the summer. I thought this day would never come. I'm ready to be home. Things have turned around alot and I can honestly say that this place is growing on me. Maybe it's the opportunities that I'm getting or just the refreshed state of mind and peace within. Either way, things are looking up. I love my life; I would love to be closer to my family but I know that it isn't an option for another year.That's tough to comprehend but in one year, alot will have changed.
Speaking of change, my lifestyle certainly has. Work has been busting my butt and I've noticed a bit of change. Because I'm working outside and with horses, my arms are starting to take shape again and I can feel those abs hidden deep below. My legs are finally showing some definition too. I haven't really worked out much since spring break when my job starting picking up and really began. I've been wanting to lately and so yesterday I went for a really long powerwalk around the east side of Canyon. It felt so great to be outside with fresh air, peace and quiet, and a peace of mind too. I honestly left my mind blank out and didn't think about anything. I just enjoyed my time not fretting about school or worrying about time-management.
Today, actually like 20 minutes ago, I did my very first Crossfit challenge. I feel as though that's going to kick my butt. I plan on doing a little running and a few other starter workouts like that after I get home from work tonight. Unfortunately time is of the essence and I have a huge and very important test to study for that I get to take at 10am tomorrow so the after-work workout will have to be quick.
Much Love.
Speaking of change, my lifestyle certainly has. Work has been busting my butt and I've noticed a bit of change. Because I'm working outside and with horses, my arms are starting to take shape again and I can feel those abs hidden deep below. My legs are finally showing some definition too. I haven't really worked out much since spring break when my job starting picking up and really began. I've been wanting to lately and so yesterday I went for a really long powerwalk around the east side of Canyon. It felt so great to be outside with fresh air, peace and quiet, and a peace of mind too. I honestly left my mind blank out and didn't think about anything. I just enjoyed my time not fretting about school or worrying about time-management.
Today, actually like 20 minutes ago, I did my very first Crossfit challenge. I feel as though that's going to kick my butt. I plan on doing a little running and a few other starter workouts like that after I get home from work tonight. Unfortunately time is of the essence and I have a huge and very important test to study for that I get to take at 10am tomorrow so the after-work workout will have to be quick.
Much Love.
Monday, February 25, 2013
Something Else Out There
The feeling of imagination, the life within, the fire that burns; it's inside all of us. What fills these voids? What makes us whole? These questions are standard and life-long. It's the pursuit of happiness.
Well this is my pursuit of happiness and this doesn't seem to be the right way.
I think that I've grown up alot in the past several months and this just isn't for me. It's time for a change. I thought that this was the right path and I'm glad that I pursued this; however, it's time for another change. This isn't for me; this isn't me. I'm more unhappy than I have been in a long time. I feel lost, like I'm off track. I don't know what will come of this but another change is necessary. I do believe that judging will play a major role in my decision, in fact, it might be the only thing to play a role. I just don't know if I can handle or deal with another 5 consecutive months of this. I'm unhappy, bored, and restless. Yes, a full schedule, with judging or work, will help but I still unhappy. I'm not making my decision until May but something's going to have to change before then.
Well this is my pursuit of happiness and this doesn't seem to be the right way.
I think that I've grown up alot in the past several months and this just isn't for me. It's time for a change. I thought that this was the right path and I'm glad that I pursued this; however, it's time for another change. This isn't for me; this isn't me. I'm more unhappy than I have been in a long time. I feel lost, like I'm off track. I don't know what will come of this but another change is necessary. I do believe that judging will play a major role in my decision, in fact, it might be the only thing to play a role. I just don't know if I can handle or deal with another 5 consecutive months of this. I'm unhappy, bored, and restless. Yes, a full schedule, with judging or work, will help but I still unhappy. I'm not making my decision until May but something's going to have to change before then.
Sunday, February 24, 2013
The Truth of Dreams
Harry Tubman once said that "Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world."
Dreams are meant to be lived. For as long as I can remember, I've experienced dreams every time I've slept. Those these dreams change each night, but the ones I have during the day never falter. Although at this critical time in my life I have no idea what I plan on doing with my life, I do hope that some of my dreams will be carried out.
With that being said, and for that reason exactly, I've decided that it's in my best interest to go home. I have not decided when the exact time will be, either this May or Decemeber, I do think that it's the right choice. I think that in moving away from home, which I do agree is something that everyone needs to do at least one time, I've realized how many incredible opportunities that I have back home. Before coming down here, I sold myself short and my home short. I had some amazing offers at home and I know that they're still waiting for me, but I guess that I sold them short and brushed them off because I though they were good offers soley for my hometown/area, not compared to the world. In reality, I realize now that they were just incredible offers regardless of area.
Not only are the opportunities great, I do miss my family. I would be lying if I said that they aren't a factor. They're a major factor. I know that they want what's best for me and support me no matter what. I also realize that they will be there when I return, whenever that is. I do think that as I struggle to find my place in the world and to embrace my talents and dreams, it would so rewarding and comforting to have them by my side, helping me and guiding me on my way.
My horses are another huge reason that I would like to move home. With 5 horses waiting on me, it's tough for me to be 1000 miles away and not adequately able to take care of them. Plus, I came here to embrace my passion for horses and barrel racing; it's not happening here yet. Not that it can't but it just hasn't yet. And school is tough which means that I need to focus more on my classes, leaving me with less time for horses and other extracurricular activities.
For whatever other reasons, I'm moving home. I still have not decided whether I'll move home in May after classes or in Decemeber, when judging is finished. I love judging, it's a passion of mine. I just am not sure if it's worth moving back here for 5 months. It's not that this place is terrible, in fact it's a great school, I just don't fit here. I don't think that this is where I'm meant to be. Five months is a long time to be alone, or at least lonely feeling, and to be in a place where I don't think I belong. We'll see what will happen but I've got a bunch of people to discuss this with.
"Dreams are today's answers for tomorrow's questions." Edgar Cayce
Dreams are meant to be lived. For as long as I can remember, I've experienced dreams every time I've slept. Those these dreams change each night, but the ones I have during the day never falter. Although at this critical time in my life I have no idea what I plan on doing with my life, I do hope that some of my dreams will be carried out.
With that being said, and for that reason exactly, I've decided that it's in my best interest to go home. I have not decided when the exact time will be, either this May or Decemeber, I do think that it's the right choice. I think that in moving away from home, which I do agree is something that everyone needs to do at least one time, I've realized how many incredible opportunities that I have back home. Before coming down here, I sold myself short and my home short. I had some amazing offers at home and I know that they're still waiting for me, but I guess that I sold them short and brushed them off because I though they were good offers soley for my hometown/area, not compared to the world. In reality, I realize now that they were just incredible offers regardless of area.
Not only are the opportunities great, I do miss my family. I would be lying if I said that they aren't a factor. They're a major factor. I know that they want what's best for me and support me no matter what. I also realize that they will be there when I return, whenever that is. I do think that as I struggle to find my place in the world and to embrace my talents and dreams, it would so rewarding and comforting to have them by my side, helping me and guiding me on my way.
My horses are another huge reason that I would like to move home. With 5 horses waiting on me, it's tough for me to be 1000 miles away and not adequately able to take care of them. Plus, I came here to embrace my passion for horses and barrel racing; it's not happening here yet. Not that it can't but it just hasn't yet. And school is tough which means that I need to focus more on my classes, leaving me with less time for horses and other extracurricular activities.
For whatever other reasons, I'm moving home. I still have not decided whether I'll move home in May after classes or in Decemeber, when judging is finished. I love judging, it's a passion of mine. I just am not sure if it's worth moving back here for 5 months. It's not that this place is terrible, in fact it's a great school, I just don't fit here. I don't think that this is where I'm meant to be. Five months is a long time to be alone, or at least lonely feeling, and to be in a place where I don't think I belong. We'll see what will happen but I've got a bunch of people to discuss this with.
"Dreams are today's answers for tomorrow's questions." Edgar Cayce
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Decisions, Decisions, Oh What Will Come of This?
Today, my 50th day, I am thankful for home. I am thankful not only for our farm and house, but for a place that I can truly call home. A place where people love me and care about me. A place that is safe and inviting, a place to rest or pursue a dream.
Today, I am only 17 days away from being home for spring break. I cannot believe how quickly time has gone by. I've alreay been here for more than 45 days and in a short 2 weeks, the semester will be half over. From here on out, it's warmer weather too, which always make the time pass quicker. Also, things have been getting a little easier. Not the part about being away from home but the fact that I've made a few friends down here and have some more stuff going on than what I did before. March 4th is when our rough draft manuscripts are due to Tanner. After those are turned in the Tanner, Andrea, & I will begin editing them for the Brand, WT Ag department's annual newsletter/publication. It's pretty cool to be a part of that. Also, judging will be picking up soon. We've got 2 mini-contests coming up and then 2 "bigger" contests, including NACTA and a contest near Dallas/Ft. Worth. I'm really excited to be judging again.
I won't even begin on it right now, however, there has been alot on my mind today. There are things that I've been thinking about that could alter my life entirely. I'm not sure what I'm going to do about these things but they are certainly taking a toll on me. Prayers.
Today, I am only 17 days away from being home for spring break. I cannot believe how quickly time has gone by. I've alreay been here for more than 45 days and in a short 2 weeks, the semester will be half over. From here on out, it's warmer weather too, which always make the time pass quicker. Also, things have been getting a little easier. Not the part about being away from home but the fact that I've made a few friends down here and have some more stuff going on than what I did before. March 4th is when our rough draft manuscripts are due to Tanner. After those are turned in the Tanner, Andrea, & I will begin editing them for the Brand, WT Ag department's annual newsletter/publication. It's pretty cool to be a part of that. Also, judging will be picking up soon. We've got 2 mini-contests coming up and then 2 "bigger" contests, including NACTA and a contest near Dallas/Ft. Worth. I'm really excited to be judging again.
I won't even begin on it right now, however, there has been alot on my mind today. There are things that I've been thinking about that could alter my life entirely. I'm not sure what I'm going to do about these things but they are certainly taking a toll on me. Prayers.
Sunday, February 17, 2013
49 Things I'm Grateful For
Tonight while on the phone with my mother, she reminded me that I should be recording amazing things that happen, or even just the simple things that I'm thankful for. She told me that she did this while she was pregnant with me, after the doctors told her about my health concerns. She wanted to be able to remember the good things through the bad times and the bad news. She said that at times, this is what kept her pushing through.
Because of some of the troubles that I've been having, I've decided to list one good thing, or something that I love, for everyday of this year. Because it's now February 18th, I've some catching up to do. So here's 49 things for the 49 days that I've lived through thus far in 2013:
1. My Family, for their love and support.
2. God, for obvious reasons.
3. Friends that have stood by me.
4. Chip, for his undeniable strength and intelligence.
5. Vaquera, for her sassiness and the tenderness that she is teaching me.
6. Lucky, for his forgiveness and humor.
7. Mr. P, for his wittiness and care.
8. Xanadu, for her beauty and independence.
9. My future, which is also my struggle.
10. College, for having the ability and means to attend and for my future.
11. Red hair, which sounds silly, but it makes me unique.
12. Hillside Christian Church, Canyon, Texas, for helping me find my way, without fire and brimstone.
13. Charlie and Webster, who comfort me when I'm sick or upset and cherish me when I'm happy.
14. My Camera, to document the craziness of my life.
15. Ice Cream, because it cures an ailing heart and mind.
16. Big sweatshirts, for curling up and reading books or watching One Tree Hill.
17. Strawberries, because they're my favorite; and when I was little I thought I had red hair because I ate too many.
18. Birth Marks, I have 5 and they will always be a way to identify the real me.
19. Chocolate, self-explanatory.
20. Dishwashing Machines, because it grosses me out to touch something that someone else salivated all over.
21. Hand Sanitizer, because I hate the slimy texture of soap but don't want nasty hands.
22. Green grass, since there is none in Texas.
23. Victoria's Secret bra's, because they make me feel good and are better than plain ones.
24. Glitter; It makes me sound childish but glitter just makes me happy. For some people it's a certain color but for me it's glitter.
25. My hula-hoop chandelier, because it was my first Pinterest creation and it's unique.
26. Blue skies, there's something so pure and untouchable about a clear, bright blue sky.
27. Music, the key to my soul and an escape from the real world around me.
28. The Ocean, because it scares me yet entices me. It's surreal.
29. Sandstorms, because they remind me that I'm a long ways from home and the earth is so vast and encompasses countless environments.
30. Yogi's words, which scare me more than anything, yet give me hope for what God has in store for me.
31. My bed at home in Illinois, because there is no place where I feel more safe.
32. Sunsets, the beauty gets me every time.
33. Pumpkin Pie, I wait all year for pumpkin pie and I have finally conqueredal pumpkin pie, kudos to Alisa Ramer.
34. Leo Ramer, for giving me the courage to pursue my passion for singing.
35. Olivia's cupcakes, because I've never tasted anything like them.
36. My warm, fuzzy, cupcake tie-blanket, because I made it all by myself!
37. Pinterest, which inspires my inner creativity.
38. Art, which was always a way to express myself.
39. Make-up, which keeps me girly.
40. Dr. Pepper, for when I'm down or just need a burst of flavor.
41. Midnight Rodeo-Amarillo, where I learned to two-step, kudos to Josh from Colorado.
42. My future children, because I've always dreamed about you.
43. My future spouse, because I can always use a new friend.
44. An alarm clock, because I wouldn't wake myself up early.
45. Quotes, because they inspire me.
46. Heels, because they empower me, or at least let me think that.
47. Movie Theaters, because there's nothing better than the big screen.
48. Dreams, because they portray what my heart keeps hidden.
49. Each day, because it promises something new.
Because of some of the troubles that I've been having, I've decided to list one good thing, or something that I love, for everyday of this year. Because it's now February 18th, I've some catching up to do. So here's 49 things for the 49 days that I've lived through thus far in 2013:
1. My Family, for their love and support.
2. God, for obvious reasons.
3. Friends that have stood by me.
4. Chip, for his undeniable strength and intelligence.
5. Vaquera, for her sassiness and the tenderness that she is teaching me.
6. Lucky, for his forgiveness and humor.
7. Mr. P, for his wittiness and care.
8. Xanadu, for her beauty and independence.
9. My future, which is also my struggle.
10. College, for having the ability and means to attend and for my future.
11. Red hair, which sounds silly, but it makes me unique.
12. Hillside Christian Church, Canyon, Texas, for helping me find my way, without fire and brimstone.
13. Charlie and Webster, who comfort me when I'm sick or upset and cherish me when I'm happy.
14. My Camera, to document the craziness of my life.
15. Ice Cream, because it cures an ailing heart and mind.
16. Big sweatshirts, for curling up and reading books or watching One Tree Hill.
17. Strawberries, because they're my favorite; and when I was little I thought I had red hair because I ate too many.
18. Birth Marks, I have 5 and they will always be a way to identify the real me.
19. Chocolate, self-explanatory.
20. Dishwashing Machines, because it grosses me out to touch something that someone else salivated all over.
21. Hand Sanitizer, because I hate the slimy texture of soap but don't want nasty hands.
22. Green grass, since there is none in Texas.
23. Victoria's Secret bra's, because they make me feel good and are better than plain ones.
24. Glitter; It makes me sound childish but glitter just makes me happy. For some people it's a certain color but for me it's glitter.
25. My hula-hoop chandelier, because it was my first Pinterest creation and it's unique.
26. Blue skies, there's something so pure and untouchable about a clear, bright blue sky.
27. Music, the key to my soul and an escape from the real world around me.
28. The Ocean, because it scares me yet entices me. It's surreal.
29. Sandstorms, because they remind me that I'm a long ways from home and the earth is so vast and encompasses countless environments.
30. Yogi's words, which scare me more than anything, yet give me hope for what God has in store for me.
31. My bed at home in Illinois, because there is no place where I feel more safe.
32. Sunsets, the beauty gets me every time.
33. Pumpkin Pie, I wait all year for pumpkin pie and I have finally conqueredal pumpkin pie, kudos to Alisa Ramer.
34. Leo Ramer, for giving me the courage to pursue my passion for singing.
35. Olivia's cupcakes, because I've never tasted anything like them.
36. My warm, fuzzy, cupcake tie-blanket, because I made it all by myself!
37. Pinterest, which inspires my inner creativity.
38. Art, which was always a way to express myself.
39. Make-up, which keeps me girly.
40. Dr. Pepper, for when I'm down or just need a burst of flavor.
41. Midnight Rodeo-Amarillo, where I learned to two-step, kudos to Josh from Colorado.
42. My future children, because I've always dreamed about you.
43. My future spouse, because I can always use a new friend.
44. An alarm clock, because I wouldn't wake myself up early.
45. Quotes, because they inspire me.
46. Heels, because they empower me, or at least let me think that.
47. Movie Theaters, because there's nothing better than the big screen.
48. Dreams, because they portray what my heart keeps hidden.
49. Each day, because it promises something new.
Saturday, February 16, 2013
Step Up
First, let me start off by saying that I'm completely in love and obsessed with One Tree Hill. I've finally made it to Season 3. Halfway point. Although I don't really want any of their lives, it kinda makes me wish that I could go back to having no worries other than getting my heart broken or how to do my hair from prom. The simple life. Not that getting your heart broken is simple or really that easy, but it's so much better than dealing with money problems and deciding what the heck I want to do with my future, which I still don't even want to think about.
Aside from singing or acting, I don't really know what I want to do. I know that it's a personal struggle for alot of people my age but it's so frustrating because I've always had a plan, always had life figured out. This whole not knowing thing is really throwing me off. I know that I'll probably go be some PR person for an ag company but I just some time to think about what's lying underneath the "probably."
There's plenty of other personal problems that I've got deal with at the moment but those aren't for public eyes or ears. I'll deal with those on my own.
Aside from singing or acting, I don't really know what I want to do. I know that it's a personal struggle for alot of people my age but it's so frustrating because I've always had a plan, always had life figured out. This whole not knowing thing is really throwing me off. I know that I'll probably go be some PR person for an ag company but I just some time to think about what's lying underneath the "probably."
There's plenty of other personal problems that I've got deal with at the moment but those aren't for public eyes or ears. I'll deal with those on my own.
Monday, January 28, 2013
"Somewhere after midnight in my wildest fantasies..."
Today was full of memories and fantasies. Memories of the past, both good and bad, seem to entertain my thoughts on a regular basis nowdays. Mainly good memories infiltrate my daydreams; many of them my trials and errors while learning to ride, random spot-on's with Chip and other friends. Fantasies have taken up more time than usual. Generally I daydream of future events that are realistic, however, since being here in Texas I've already had some great opportunities present themselves and with those opportunitities come the chance of my fantasies coming true; Such events include but are not limited to my barrel racing with a competitive horse at some large events here in Texas...well mainly that. My true passion is in rodeo. I think that moving here has only heightened my everlasting love for the sport, specifically barrel racing since I have not yet mastered roping. Nothing has ever compared to it. I have not found something that I love or want more. To me it's not just a hobby, it's the very essence of my future. It's all I've really ever wanted. Granted, sure, there's other things in life that I love and that I want in my future too; in light of it, I love fashion and design. I love traveling and hope to do all of these things in my future. I love keeping up with fashion and design because it's a way to express myself and my creative side. I love traveling because I get to see the beauty of the Earth and everything that He created. The world is the very mold of His imagination. It's all around us and it's so beautiful. So much it is taken for granted. But back to the barrel racing; to me, it's the lifestyle that brings out alot of good in people. As with everything, bad is also brought out; however, the people are like me. I have a group that I fit into so well because we all share the same passion. It's great competition and such an amazing support system to have.
Regardless, Texas is forcing me to look at my priorities and figure some things out. There's good and bad in that statement. Texas, itself, was a priority and an adjustment for me. It was a huge decision that I knew would change and even define my life whether I liked it or not as well as regardless to what my decision was. Thankfully, as the days pass, I do feel as though I've made the right choice. Despite my family not being here with me, they have been so supportive and I acknowledge how lucky I am to have such an incredible family backing me. They've supported me from the get-go. For that I am eternally grateful. It's not everyday that someone gets the chance to change their life and pursue their dreams.
As Always
Regardless, Texas is forcing me to look at my priorities and figure some things out. There's good and bad in that statement. Texas, itself, was a priority and an adjustment for me. It was a huge decision that I knew would change and even define my life whether I liked it or not as well as regardless to what my decision was. Thankfully, as the days pass, I do feel as though I've made the right choice. Despite my family not being here with me, they have been so supportive and I acknowledge how lucky I am to have such an incredible family backing me. They've supported me from the get-go. For that I am eternally grateful. It's not everyday that someone gets the chance to change their life and pursue their dreams.
As Always
Sunday, January 27, 2013
What do I believe?
This morning in church the pastor expanded in his series about trust. Trust is a subject that many people are obviously influenced by but also I feel as though many people lie or are unsure about trust. At least that's how I feel. My opinion on trust is probably very similar to yours: once it's broken, it can't be replaced. However, I've come to realize that I have no idea about my stance on trust. When I first thought about this I told myself that I trust easily. To me, someone's word means alot, as does mine in the same situation. If I give my word, I intend to keep it. Some are able to outright say that they trust no one and they're right. I've never felt as though it's that simple for me. Thinking about it this morning in church was absolutely upsetting. Although I do trust people very easily, I've come to realize that I expect everyone to disappoint me. Perhaps trust isn't my issue; perhaps it's my faith in others.
I honestly cannot pinpoint when my faith in others burnt out. I know that I used to believe in everyone. I know that I still believe in others, well some. I do truly understand that everyone is bound to disappoint eachother at some point in time or another. In fact, we all disappoint ourselves from time to time too. It should be expected. You cannot just assume someone's perfection. But what do you assume? Can you assume that a person is telling the truth? Or that they'll be faithful to you? Loyal to you? Or will they hurt you when you need them most?
The fact that I had to have this conversation with myself is rather depressing. I would love for the solution to be simple: for me to be able to have faith in others. It bothers me to not be able to believe in others when I do feel as though I can see the good in people. Perhaps it's society that's making us all so undesireable. Now it seems as though everyone backstabs eachother and friends take others loved ones or keep secrets that should've been told. I know that I've lived through so much and at times I didn't want to deal with it. So how do we undo what's been done? What restores our faith in others? Am I the only one who feels this way?
Perhaps today is just a bad day for my view on humanity. It's been 27 days stince I've been home and today feels like the toughest one yet. I'm almost half way through until spring break. I miss my horses so very much. In the past several years they've been able to catch my tears and listen while I rant. They've allowed me to escape into my own version of peace and have provided a laugh or two when I desperately needed it. Most of all, they depend on me and because of this I feel needed. Now I sit here in my apartment with nothing to do, just as everyday is. Sure I could clean, study for future tests, or even just update my facebook status but all of those things are missing the most important element: none of them make me necessary, or needed. It's as though everything in the world could continue on without noticing if I get out of bed or not.
Enough with my depressing day. Maybe a different topic next week in church to keep my mind rolling.
As Always
I honestly cannot pinpoint when my faith in others burnt out. I know that I used to believe in everyone. I know that I still believe in others, well some. I do truly understand that everyone is bound to disappoint eachother at some point in time or another. In fact, we all disappoint ourselves from time to time too. It should be expected. You cannot just assume someone's perfection. But what do you assume? Can you assume that a person is telling the truth? Or that they'll be faithful to you? Loyal to you? Or will they hurt you when you need them most?
The fact that I had to have this conversation with myself is rather depressing. I would love for the solution to be simple: for me to be able to have faith in others. It bothers me to not be able to believe in others when I do feel as though I can see the good in people. Perhaps it's society that's making us all so undesireable. Now it seems as though everyone backstabs eachother and friends take others loved ones or keep secrets that should've been told. I know that I've lived through so much and at times I didn't want to deal with it. So how do we undo what's been done? What restores our faith in others? Am I the only one who feels this way?
Perhaps today is just a bad day for my view on humanity. It's been 27 days stince I've been home and today feels like the toughest one yet. I'm almost half way through until spring break. I miss my horses so very much. In the past several years they've been able to catch my tears and listen while I rant. They've allowed me to escape into my own version of peace and have provided a laugh or two when I desperately needed it. Most of all, they depend on me and because of this I feel needed. Now I sit here in my apartment with nothing to do, just as everyday is. Sure I could clean, study for future tests, or even just update my facebook status but all of those things are missing the most important element: none of them make me necessary, or needed. It's as though everything in the world could continue on without noticing if I get out of bed or not.
Enough with my depressing day. Maybe a different topic next week in church to keep my mind rolling.
As Always
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Chasing After Something...
Well it's been 17 days since I've been home and about another 50 days before I will have the opportunity to go home. I really thought it'd be alot harder than this; however, being surrounded by my dreams and the wonderful friends who have supported me and helped guide me on this journey have made such a positive impact that I'm not really sure if I've even felt homesick yet. Sure, there are days that I do miss home and times when I wish that I could simply drive home to see my parents and horses and just enjoy a home-cooked meal. These feelings are real and are tough to deal with; however, I really feel as though I'm where I'm supposed to be. Texas feels right. Being surrounded by all the opportunities not only with horses but also with the agricultural diversity that is among this area; it's all so amazing. I wish it was closer to home but if this is what chasing your dreams is supposed to be like then it's so bad. :)
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
"Mary Mary quite contrary,
We get bored so we get married,
And just like dust we settle in this town.
On this broken merry go 'round and 'round and 'round we go..."
Kasey Musgraves definately hit that nail on the head. Don't get me wrong, I love Monmouth, I love the small- town life and all that it entails, however, I always knew it just wasn't for me. Having the same stories every week or even the regulars at the restaurant just doesn't cut it for me. Change and life are everything that I've needed.
Moving the Texas was huge. I can't say quite yet whether it was a good choice or a bad one. It's only been 9 days since I left home and only 5 days since my family said their goodbyes for the next 9 weeks. Never in my life have I been so far away from home for an extended period of time without my family. Although I like it here so far, I hate not having even the option to go home. Spring break will be my first opportunity to go home. After that, it's May. I must say that up until today I had been getting along pretty well without my parents here. It was very difficult to say goodbye and stand to watch them walk out the door last week. I know that although they're proud of what I'm accomplishing, it still hurts them to leave me here, not knowing what's going on or if I'm taking my vitamins or eating proper meals or even just doing laundry correctly.
Tonight it's really hitting me that they aren't going to walk through my bedroom door or yell at me to come eat dinner. I don't think I fully realize the extent of the situation just yet; however, it's starting. I can feel the consious that I've kept caged at the back of my mind start to prode around.
We get bored so we get married,
And just like dust we settle in this town.
On this broken merry go 'round and 'round and 'round we go..."
Kasey Musgraves definately hit that nail on the head. Don't get me wrong, I love Monmouth, I love the small- town life and all that it entails, however, I always knew it just wasn't for me. Having the same stories every week or even the regulars at the restaurant just doesn't cut it for me. Change and life are everything that I've needed.
Moving the Texas was huge. I can't say quite yet whether it was a good choice or a bad one. It's only been 9 days since I left home and only 5 days since my family said their goodbyes for the next 9 weeks. Never in my life have I been so far away from home for an extended period of time without my family. Although I like it here so far, I hate not having even the option to go home. Spring break will be my first opportunity to go home. After that, it's May. I must say that up until today I had been getting along pretty well without my parents here. It was very difficult to say goodbye and stand to watch them walk out the door last week. I know that although they're proud of what I'm accomplishing, it still hurts them to leave me here, not knowing what's going on or if I'm taking my vitamins or eating proper meals or even just doing laundry correctly.
Tonight it's really hitting me that they aren't going to walk through my bedroom door or yell at me to come eat dinner. I don't think I fully realize the extent of the situation just yet; however, it's starting. I can feel the consious that I've kept caged at the back of my mind start to prode around.
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Dream Big
The past couple months have been so incredibly busy and so full of adventure, responisbility, and education. I've been working like a mad person, trying to save money for my future and possibly for my horses. It's been tough but I've also spoiled myself with some new wardrobe ideas, new horse things, and of course, makeup. I've taken a few trips, met alot of new people, and figured out my future. My older brother got married and the younger brother got his liscence taken away. As the holidays approach, I am quickly reminded of how much I have compared to others, how much I'm thankful for, and how much I need to appreciate the world around me. I stand in awe and sublimity.
The decision has been made. I'm moving to Texas at the end of next month to attend and judge at West Texas A&M University. I'm so thankful that I had the past few months to make that decision. I think that the wrong one would've been made otherwise. It's not going to be easy to move 900 miles away from home to pursue my passion of horses and barrel racing but I think that it's what I have to do in order to accomplish my dreams. I will be majoring in Ag Communications with a minor in Mass Communications and Animal Science.
:)
The decision has been made. I'm moving to Texas at the end of next month to attend and judge at West Texas A&M University. I'm so thankful that I had the past few months to make that decision. I think that the wrong one would've been made otherwise. It's not going to be easy to move 900 miles away from home to pursue my passion of horses and barrel racing but I think that it's what I have to do in order to accomplish my dreams. I will be majoring in Ag Communications with a minor in Mass Communications and Animal Science.
:)
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Day 3-
Today is day 3- the final day of my diet this week. As of this morning, I am only down 2 pounds, which is somewhat depressing however, I do know that I have not been working out like it says you're supposed to. I worked out yesterday but I had also crumbles and had a mini-cupcake. So my working out probably only brought me back to normal.
Regardless, I am pleased to have known that I did this. I will continue with this diet for the rest of the day, then attempt it again next week for school as well. I can only hope that I do not gain the weight back. Even though I've only lost 2 pounds so far, I am hoping that it's the start of a very rewarding process. I will admit that I do feel better. I have noticed that I haven't needed my "sugar kicks." The coffee has been a very yummy treat and I find that I look forward to coffee at McDonalds each morning between classes. The meals have not been terrible and surprisingly they do fill me up. This diet does work, just not the "up to 10 pounds." Hopefully next week I can attack this with a vengence and lose more than 2 pounds. Something's got to change. I am almost to the point where I feel like something's wrong with me. I know that my food intake can't drop too much more because otherwise I won't be eating at all. My fat intake isn't all that bad aside from the days that I work. I work out of a regular basis too. Nothing's been changing for me. I can drop a few pounds here and there but nothing like I need to. It just doesn't make sense.
Regardless, I will keep trying. It's not going to happen overnight, although that would certainly be nice. My goal is to be down 30 pounds by December. That'd be perfect. I'd have a new body for my new life in Texas, so long as everything plays out like I want it to.
Regardless, I am pleased to have known that I did this. I will continue with this diet for the rest of the day, then attempt it again next week for school as well. I can only hope that I do not gain the weight back. Even though I've only lost 2 pounds so far, I am hoping that it's the start of a very rewarding process. I will admit that I do feel better. I have noticed that I haven't needed my "sugar kicks." The coffee has been a very yummy treat and I find that I look forward to coffee at McDonalds each morning between classes. The meals have not been terrible and surprisingly they do fill me up. This diet does work, just not the "up to 10 pounds." Hopefully next week I can attack this with a vengence and lose more than 2 pounds. Something's got to change. I am almost to the point where I feel like something's wrong with me. I know that my food intake can't drop too much more because otherwise I won't be eating at all. My fat intake isn't all that bad aside from the days that I work. I work out of a regular basis too. Nothing's been changing for me. I can drop a few pounds here and there but nothing like I need to. It just doesn't make sense.
Regardless, I will keep trying. It's not going to happen overnight, although that would certainly be nice. My goal is to be down 30 pounds by December. That'd be perfect. I'd have a new body for my new life in Texas, so long as everything plays out like I want it to.
Monday, August 27, 2012
This time is For Real.
Well it's time for a change again. This time its for real. I'm finally 100% sick and tired of dealing with my weight issue. Being in college, having surgery, and working at McDonalds has certainly taken it's toll on me. Last year I was 20 pounds lighter and still thought that I was fat. Now I look at those pictures and wonder what the heck I was thinking. I should've loved and enjoyed that body! Now its just causing me to have image issues and keeps me dwelling on the fact that I am no where near what I want to be. My goal is to lose 30 pounds by the time I'm done. 35 pounds would be so incredible but that's just a dream. I would be tinyyy at that weight. Like very little. But that's what I want. I know that people claim that it's better to have a little extra as opposed to being underweight, in case you get sick. I don't think like that. I would much rather be too tiny because then even if I do get sick then I can eat plenty. I know that I could- and have- eat the pounds on like a crazy person. Saying no to food is a very difficult task for me.
However, today marks the day that I'm going to do it. Let's be real here- I've tried all the diets out there. I tried not having sugar, cutting out soda and all other sugary drinks, counting calories, and even Body by Vi, which does work by the way, just not for my lifestyle. I knew that I needed a change, a big one too. I'm staying in college for the next two and a half years, still working at McDonalds for the next 6 months at least, and will forever love food. It's my brain that needs re-wiring. I wanted a "diet", more like lifestyle change, that was proven and possible. So, during all my hours on Pinterest, which I find more than incredible, I came across the Military Diet. This diet is proven (check!) because the military recommends it to recruits who need to drop a few pounds before or during Basic training. It's 3 days long and supposedly you can lose up to 10 pounds, which I don't believe. I did my research and the average person lost 5 pounds during those 3 days. You are to do this diet 3 days on and then 4 days off, which fits my schedule perfectly. I am going to do this diet for the 3 days a week that I go to class and then of course I need to be more careful with what I eat at work during the 4 days that I am not doing the diet. I weighed in this morning for my starting weight. It sucks if whated to know. I had breakfast already, well most of it since I had to stop at the store to pick up the other half of it. Soon I will finish the other half of it before my next class. However, I'm in McDonalds having a coffee and forgot to bring my spoon in. Tonight I'll weigh myself again to see if I've lost anything, which hopefully will be some pound-age!! Again, my goal is to lost 30 pounds, which if I can do that then I will be the happiest girl alive. 35 pounds would literally make my life.
I want to be clear that I'm doing this because I simply am not happy with the way that I am. It's hard for me to look in the mirror everyday and think positive thoughts about myself. I know that it's probably not as bad as I think but it's not good. I know that. I am tired of thinking negatively and failing with other diets so this time I am 100% committed. Yes, it's a little uncomfortable to not be eating my usual things, or even fruit. I am not wavering from this diet for anything. Suprisingly enough, I'm not even hungry yet. I've only had a piece of toast with 2 tablespoons of peanut butter. I think that water and coffee, which are obviously both allowed, will be my saving grace. I had no idea that coffee tasted this good. :)
As for now, I'm off to eat my grapefruit and attend my Earth Science lecture.
Fingers crossed!!
However, today marks the day that I'm going to do it. Let's be real here- I've tried all the diets out there. I tried not having sugar, cutting out soda and all other sugary drinks, counting calories, and even Body by Vi, which does work by the way, just not for my lifestyle. I knew that I needed a change, a big one too. I'm staying in college for the next two and a half years, still working at McDonalds for the next 6 months at least, and will forever love food. It's my brain that needs re-wiring. I wanted a "diet", more like lifestyle change, that was proven and possible. So, during all my hours on Pinterest, which I find more than incredible, I came across the Military Diet. This diet is proven (check!) because the military recommends it to recruits who need to drop a few pounds before or during Basic training. It's 3 days long and supposedly you can lose up to 10 pounds, which I don't believe. I did my research and the average person lost 5 pounds during those 3 days. You are to do this diet 3 days on and then 4 days off, which fits my schedule perfectly. I am going to do this diet for the 3 days a week that I go to class and then of course I need to be more careful with what I eat at work during the 4 days that I am not doing the diet. I weighed in this morning for my starting weight. It sucks if whated to know. I had breakfast already, well most of it since I had to stop at the store to pick up the other half of it. Soon I will finish the other half of it before my next class. However, I'm in McDonalds having a coffee and forgot to bring my spoon in. Tonight I'll weigh myself again to see if I've lost anything, which hopefully will be some pound-age!! Again, my goal is to lost 30 pounds, which if I can do that then I will be the happiest girl alive. 35 pounds would literally make my life.
I want to be clear that I'm doing this because I simply am not happy with the way that I am. It's hard for me to look in the mirror everyday and think positive thoughts about myself. I know that it's probably not as bad as I think but it's not good. I know that. I am tired of thinking negatively and failing with other diets so this time I am 100% committed. Yes, it's a little uncomfortable to not be eating my usual things, or even fruit. I am not wavering from this diet for anything. Suprisingly enough, I'm not even hungry yet. I've only had a piece of toast with 2 tablespoons of peanut butter. I think that water and coffee, which are obviously both allowed, will be my saving grace. I had no idea that coffee tasted this good. :)
As for now, I'm off to eat my grapefruit and attend my Earth Science lecture.
Fingers crossed!!
Saturday, July 7, 2012
2 Months Later...
Well, it's only been two months since I last wrote but I finally have internet and some time, since I'm waiting for my brother & his fiance because I'm the DD. Yes, my life is so much fun on a Friday night.
To begin updating would be simple. I've basically done nothing for the past two months aside from helping clean, rearrange, & paint the house and shed. It was driving me crazy so I got a job last week...at McDonalds. After my first actual day, I'm thankful to say that I think my love for the place is cured. I don't want to see another friggin french fry, although I'm awesome at cooking them. ;) The smell of the grease from the hamburgers makes me want to vomit, although it did at DQ too. Oh well, money's money and I need some. I've got alot of bills to pay coming up with the horses and possibly moving to Texas.
Countdown is on for pageant! Only two more weeks and today I got told that my dress, the one that I absolutely adore and always get compliments on, is what lost me the crown last year. I was informed today that I apparently won the interview portion and was high enough points-wise in every other division that I would've had the crown except that the judges thought my dress made me look plain. For starters, my dress is anything but plain however, since it was brown and gold, which matched my hair, they weren't thrilled. So now I have strict orders to find a new dress (in 2 weeks!) that is the same style but in jewel tones such as teal, eggplant, or jade. This is going to be quite the task! Keep your fingers crossed for the 21st!
Being away from all life's adventures and trials has allowed me time to think and look back on the things that have always been so dear to me. A few weeks I began to miss judging. Alot. I have toying with the idea of judging and the decision has been made. If I decide for sure to judge again then it will be at West Texas A&M. Because I have to finish my Associate's degree this fall at Carl Sandburg College, I won't be able to judge again until next fall. Although this is unfortunate, it will give me plenty of time to 1. Actually make a decision and stay with it. 2. Save money to move to Texas. Right now McDonalds is giving me enough hours that I should be able to make enough money to move but I also have 2 saddles that I need to buy for Lucky & P. Jill & Tristian are up this week and I have absolutely adored talking with Jill, especially tonight at Barn Crawl. Jill has invited me to live with her for awhile if I do decide to move to Texas. She thinks she can even get me a job near Dallas & find a place to keep P. I plan on staying with her for a long weekend this fall if possible. I know that I'm going to try to be down there towards the middle of December to ride back with Kayla for break. A 16 hour trip is too far to do alone. :) Hopefully I'll be able to make 2 trips down in the next few months. I need to talk with Pipkin about judging and get a feel for the school.
Hopefully the updating will continue but for now this is it. I'm tired and the partyers need to come home soon. Being responsible can be so boring sometimes but this is what I'm here for since I left the party early. :)
Insert picture here with your imagination since my hard drive crashed so guess who doesn't have any pictures left.
To begin updating would be simple. I've basically done nothing for the past two months aside from helping clean, rearrange, & paint the house and shed. It was driving me crazy so I got a job last week...at McDonalds. After my first actual day, I'm thankful to say that I think my love for the place is cured. I don't want to see another friggin french fry, although I'm awesome at cooking them. ;) The smell of the grease from the hamburgers makes me want to vomit, although it did at DQ too. Oh well, money's money and I need some. I've got alot of bills to pay coming up with the horses and possibly moving to Texas.
Countdown is on for pageant! Only two more weeks and today I got told that my dress, the one that I absolutely adore and always get compliments on, is what lost me the crown last year. I was informed today that I apparently won the interview portion and was high enough points-wise in every other division that I would've had the crown except that the judges thought my dress made me look plain. For starters, my dress is anything but plain however, since it was brown and gold, which matched my hair, they weren't thrilled. So now I have strict orders to find a new dress (in 2 weeks!) that is the same style but in jewel tones such as teal, eggplant, or jade. This is going to be quite the task! Keep your fingers crossed for the 21st!
Being away from all life's adventures and trials has allowed me time to think and look back on the things that have always been so dear to me. A few weeks I began to miss judging. Alot. I have toying with the idea of judging and the decision has been made. If I decide for sure to judge again then it will be at West Texas A&M. Because I have to finish my Associate's degree this fall at Carl Sandburg College, I won't be able to judge again until next fall. Although this is unfortunate, it will give me plenty of time to 1. Actually make a decision and stay with it. 2. Save money to move to Texas. Right now McDonalds is giving me enough hours that I should be able to make enough money to move but I also have 2 saddles that I need to buy for Lucky & P. Jill & Tristian are up this week and I have absolutely adored talking with Jill, especially tonight at Barn Crawl. Jill has invited me to live with her for awhile if I do decide to move to Texas. She thinks she can even get me a job near Dallas & find a place to keep P. I plan on staying with her for a long weekend this fall if possible. I know that I'm going to try to be down there towards the middle of December to ride back with Kayla for break. A 16 hour trip is too far to do alone. :) Hopefully I'll be able to make 2 trips down in the next few months. I need to talk with Pipkin about judging and get a feel for the school.
Hopefully the updating will continue but for now this is it. I'm tired and the partyers need to come home soon. Being responsible can be so boring sometimes but this is what I'm here for since I left the party early. :)
Insert picture here with your imagination since my hard drive crashed so guess who doesn't have any pictures left.
Thursday, May 17, 2012
The End...or the Beginning?
Two years ago I was walking down the center aisle of a unfamiliar gym to recieve a piece of paper stating that I had attended and passed high school. Two years ago that was the biggest and most important thing that could happen in my life. Two years ago I was quiet and lacked confidence. Two years ago I thought that I knew exactly what life had in store for me and what I was going to do with it. Two years ago, I couldn't have been more wrong.
Today I sit behind this computer screen and am unable to descriptively account to you how much has changed in the past two years. I can honestly say that I am a very different person from who I was back then. Almost everything about me has changed. I wish that I had time to explain the vast differences on the level that each deserves. For starters, I am unable to describe the love and devotion that I feel for my family; something that hasn't always been there to the length that it should've been. I mean it when I say that I miss them everyday that I am not there. I miss having dinner with them, movie nights, working cattle, discussing "inappropriate" things at the dinner table, and even just sitting in the same room. They have taught me so many of the things that a school cannot. They have shown me what hardwork is, what true love looks like, and why you have respect of others and for the earth. One of the most important lessons that they've taught me though is forgiveness. I have made mistakes. I have made many of them but no matter what happens I know that I can always go home, where I belong.
There's so much to say. I wish that I could explain the things that I feel.
Tomorrow is graduation at BHE. Although I am not actually graduating and won't be walking, it signals the end of this chapter of my life. I will no longer be a student at Black Hawk East, the greatest and most challenging place that I've ever experienced. Black Hawk has changed me drastically. I came here a quiet and relatively reserved girl that had few aspirations because I though that I wasn't good enough. Black Hawk and its trials have shown me that I can conquer the world, I can be something- whatever I want! Because of the incredible people that have touched my life, I have the confidence that I need to be successful. I now can honestly say that I believe in myself and my capabilities. I know the limitations that I have but they are not hindering. I can do what I set my mind to. I think perhaps that is the greatest lesson of all. Believing in oneself is something that cannot be taught, only shown. It can make or break a person. I am so thankful to have gained this in the past two years. Being on my own this year has only consecrated this.
For everything that I have done and will do in my future, I give thanks and appreciation to all those who have touched my life and fueled the fire within. I couldn't have ever imagined that I would have such amazing friends and a wonderful family. The people that I have met in the past two years will never be forgotten. These people know exactly who they are. Despite the fact that not all of the people I give thanks to are my friends but also be my nemisses, competitors, and haters. These people have also been so encouraging throughout the years by pushing me to be my best. They have challenged me in a whole new light. The friends that I talk of mean the world to me. They have been there for me through everything. I am so grateful to the Lord that he has brought certain people into my life to bring me to the place that I am today. I came to this school in a happy place and while here I have struggled between happiness, depression, and bouts of suicidal thoughts. My close friends are the ones who kept me content, sane, and alive. Without them I have no idea exactly where I would be today or if I would even be here at all, but I know for certain that it would not be where I am today.
As this chapter closes, I feel sorrow and uncertainy. This chapter has absolutely been the best of my life and I know for sure that I will never forget a single memory and will be telling stories from it for the rest of my life. I feel a bit apprehensive for my future but I know that it will all work out. I trust in the Lord that it will. I am excited for what the next chapter has in store for me. I can only simply hope that it will be comparable to what I have experienced in this chapter. <3
Today I sit behind this computer screen and am unable to descriptively account to you how much has changed in the past two years. I can honestly say that I am a very different person from who I was back then. Almost everything about me has changed. I wish that I had time to explain the vast differences on the level that each deserves. For starters, I am unable to describe the love and devotion that I feel for my family; something that hasn't always been there to the length that it should've been. I mean it when I say that I miss them everyday that I am not there. I miss having dinner with them, movie nights, working cattle, discussing "inappropriate" things at the dinner table, and even just sitting in the same room. They have taught me so many of the things that a school cannot. They have shown me what hardwork is, what true love looks like, and why you have respect of others and for the earth. One of the most important lessons that they've taught me though is forgiveness. I have made mistakes. I have made many of them but no matter what happens I know that I can always go home, where I belong.
There's so much to say. I wish that I could explain the things that I feel.
Tomorrow is graduation at BHE. Although I am not actually graduating and won't be walking, it signals the end of this chapter of my life. I will no longer be a student at Black Hawk East, the greatest and most challenging place that I've ever experienced. Black Hawk has changed me drastically. I came here a quiet and relatively reserved girl that had few aspirations because I though that I wasn't good enough. Black Hawk and its trials have shown me that I can conquer the world, I can be something- whatever I want! Because of the incredible people that have touched my life, I have the confidence that I need to be successful. I now can honestly say that I believe in myself and my capabilities. I know the limitations that I have but they are not hindering. I can do what I set my mind to. I think perhaps that is the greatest lesson of all. Believing in oneself is something that cannot be taught, only shown. It can make or break a person. I am so thankful to have gained this in the past two years. Being on my own this year has only consecrated this.
For everything that I have done and will do in my future, I give thanks and appreciation to all those who have touched my life and fueled the fire within. I couldn't have ever imagined that I would have such amazing friends and a wonderful family. The people that I have met in the past two years will never be forgotten. These people know exactly who they are. Despite the fact that not all of the people I give thanks to are my friends but also be my nemisses, competitors, and haters. These people have also been so encouraging throughout the years by pushing me to be my best. They have challenged me in a whole new light. The friends that I talk of mean the world to me. They have been there for me through everything. I am so grateful to the Lord that he has brought certain people into my life to bring me to the place that I am today. I came to this school in a happy place and while here I have struggled between happiness, depression, and bouts of suicidal thoughts. My close friends are the ones who kept me content, sane, and alive. Without them I have no idea exactly where I would be today or if I would even be here at all, but I know for certain that it would not be where I am today.
As this chapter closes, I feel sorrow and uncertainy. This chapter has absolutely been the best of my life and I know for sure that I will never forget a single memory and will be telling stories from it for the rest of my life. I feel a bit apprehensive for my future but I know that it will all work out. I trust in the Lord that it will. I am excited for what the next chapter has in store for me. I can only simply hope that it will be comparable to what I have experienced in this chapter. <3
Saturday, May 5, 2012
How The Time Flies...
Well it's only been,you know, a full month since I've updated this.You can only imagine how much my life has changed in the past month too. First, let me explain my reasoning for taking so long to update this blog; my laptop hard drive crashed. :( I lost everything. Not even pictures were saved. It seriously comes down to what pictures are on my computer at home, on my flash drives, or what's still on my memory cards,which isn't that much.
I'm just going to move from even to event quickly and then tomorrow I'll try to elaborate on them more.
- BHE Barrel Races---not quite as successful as hoped.
- I'm buying Lucky!
- Vaquera is going up for sale this summer.
- I will not be graduating on time with a degree.
- 2 more weeks of school!!
- I have kept up on my goals. - essentially I got my act together.
- I'm going to Western Illinois University!
- Chicago was absolutely amazing with my friends!
I took this picture last year on the Scenic Drive. This sign is in Knoxville, Illinois.
I'm just going to move from even to event quickly and then tomorrow I'll try to elaborate on them more.
- BHE Barrel Races---not quite as successful as hoped.
- I'm buying Lucky!
- Vaquera is going up for sale this summer.
- I will not be graduating on time with a degree.
- 2 more weeks of school!!
- I have kept up on my goals. - essentially I got my act together.
- I'm going to Western Illinois University!
- Chicago was absolutely amazing with my friends!
I took this picture last year on the Scenic Drive. This sign is in Knoxville, Illinois.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
There are just not enough hours in a day...
As the title says, there are simply not enough hours in the day. Sooo much to do!!
It's been a little while since I've updated this blog, which I mostly keep as a form of an online diary. Life has been so so so busy. I can't keep up. I go through each event one at a time. The past 9 days have been rough including: my saddle breaking, Vaquera getting lice, getting 2nd degree burns on my right hand, my car quit working one day, grades, etc. It's been a blast. Oh & Lucky is getting taken away from me this summer. How fun.
Speaking of Luckers, he's doing amazing since our last competitive barrel run. In practice we broke our record again, a 16.2!!!!!! I was so proud! :) However, he ducked out on the 2nd barrel twice at the barrel race that was here two weeks ago. Go figure. Dick. We were ballin' that night too. I was pumped and ready to set fire in the ring. He apparently wasn't. Yet, we did find out that last summer he was flipped over and ran into a fence at the 2nd barrel. Of course he probably didn't want to go to it. Oh well. Tomorrow night is our next race. It's Tough Enough To Wear Pink Night so let's hope we raise a bunch of money for breast cancer awareness!
So last Sunday, about a week ago, I noticed Vaquera's hair thinning. I thought it was odd but she really is shedding right now so I didn't think too much of it. Well she went pretty much completely bald within 4 days so on Thursday she went to the vet. She's got lice. Wonderful. All week I've been spraying Listerine (it's an antiseptic) on her and once a week she gets pour-on to kill most of it. It's mostly cleared up but she's pretty bald. All of her hair is dead. Even her mane and tail looks nasty and that's like my prized possession. For now she gets corn oil internally and olive oil externally. & she's got thrush so I'm treating that too. High maintenience much? jeeshhhh.
I do love her though.
Because it's 1 a.m. (like it usually is when I type these) I'm going to bed now. I need to quit staying up so late but tonight I just can't really sleep plus I haven't for the past 2 nights anyway due to nightmares and anxiety. I'm going to try it though!
Mas Amor. <3
It's been a little while since I've updated this blog, which I mostly keep as a form of an online diary. Life has been so so so busy. I can't keep up. I go through each event one at a time. The past 9 days have been rough including: my saddle breaking, Vaquera getting lice, getting 2nd degree burns on my right hand, my car quit working one day, grades, etc. It's been a blast. Oh & Lucky is getting taken away from me this summer. How fun.
Speaking of Luckers, he's doing amazing since our last competitive barrel run. In practice we broke our record again, a 16.2!!!!!! I was so proud! :) However, he ducked out on the 2nd barrel twice at the barrel race that was here two weeks ago. Go figure. Dick. We were ballin' that night too. I was pumped and ready to set fire in the ring. He apparently wasn't. Yet, we did find out that last summer he was flipped over and ran into a fence at the 2nd barrel. Of course he probably didn't want to go to it. Oh well. Tomorrow night is our next race. It's Tough Enough To Wear Pink Night so let's hope we raise a bunch of money for breast cancer awareness!
So last Sunday, about a week ago, I noticed Vaquera's hair thinning. I thought it was odd but she really is shedding right now so I didn't think too much of it. Well she went pretty much completely bald within 4 days so on Thursday she went to the vet. She's got lice. Wonderful. All week I've been spraying Listerine (it's an antiseptic) on her and once a week she gets pour-on to kill most of it. It's mostly cleared up but she's pretty bald. All of her hair is dead. Even her mane and tail looks nasty and that's like my prized possession. For now she gets corn oil internally and olive oil externally. & she's got thrush so I'm treating that too. High maintenience much? jeeshhhh.
I do love her though.
Because it's 1 a.m. (like it usually is when I type these) I'm going to bed now. I need to quit staying up so late but tonight I just can't really sleep plus I haven't for the past 2 nights anyway due to nightmares and anxiety. I'm going to try it though!
Mas Amor. <3
Monday, March 26, 2012
Changes
Lately there have been so many changes to my life and at times it all feels so out of control. I know that things will work out and that I need to faith in the Lord but I do absolutely hate when things are out of my control.
Because it's late at night, I will save details for another time but I will say that some things are right on track for my future such as my horses and education. I still have no idea where I want to go next year but the tide has turned and it just might be Western Illinois, the school I promised myself that I'd never go to. Imagine that. But I may also be starting my business if I go there. There's pro's and con's.
Vaquera's back and doing phenomenal! We had a rough start but we're on track right now.
Lucky's greatttt. We broke our record again and came in at a 16.4 second pattern! We're getting there!!! :)
Big Barrel Race this Wednesday!!
Because it's late at night, I will save details for another time but I will say that some things are right on track for my future such as my horses and education. I still have no idea where I want to go next year but the tide has turned and it just might be Western Illinois, the school I promised myself that I'd never go to. Imagine that. But I may also be starting my business if I go there. There's pro's and con's.
Vaquera's back and doing phenomenal! We had a rough start but we're on track right now.
Lucky's greatttt. We broke our record again and came in at a 16.4 second pattern! We're getting there!!! :)
Big Barrel Race this Wednesday!!
Also, The Hunger Games.
Must see. End of Story. Addicted.
Peeta Mellark.<3
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Responsible.
To add to my last post about being so blessed--that night my parents and friends threw me a surprise birthday party! I'm so loved. :)
Continuing on with life, there have, of course, been some good times and some hard times lately. I'm not going to dwell on the hard times that I've been having except for the simple fact that everyday gets better and I'm working on myself. I will be okay eventually and I accept that for what it's worth.
Moving on, there have been some amazing times in the past 10 days or so. Spring Break 2012 is officially over. It has made me come to realize that I'm so ready to be done with school or at least BHE. I love it here. I absolutely do and it has been the best decision I've made but it's time to be done. I'm ready to move on. Next chapter please!!
The good part about Spring Break being over is that Vaquera is backkkk!!! I'm so thrilled that she's here although I'm a bit nervous about how she's going to act. She hasn't even had a halter on in about 6 weeks. When she stepped off the trailer today she looked so nasty. As in, not only covered with dirt and other unnessessary particles, but she has like zero muscle and looks like a nasty mustang. She honestly looked like no one had ever touched her before soooo, with Kayla's help, I clipped her face up and cut her pastern hairs. I also trimmed her mane and tail so give it a more organized/polished look. Then she got a good long bath with conditioner too. She looks like a whole different horse thankfully except for the skinny-no-muscle problem which will change soon too. I just didn't want her going into class looking like I just brought her in from the pasture (even though I kinda did).
I'm thrilled to have her back and can't wait to work with her again!
Continuing on with life, there have, of course, been some good times and some hard times lately. I'm not going to dwell on the hard times that I've been having except for the simple fact that everyday gets better and I'm working on myself. I will be okay eventually and I accept that for what it's worth.
Moving on, there have been some amazing times in the past 10 days or so. Spring Break 2012 is officially over. It has made me come to realize that I'm so ready to be done with school or at least BHE. I love it here. I absolutely do and it has been the best decision I've made but it's time to be done. I'm ready to move on. Next chapter please!!
The good part about Spring Break being over is that Vaquera is backkkk!!! I'm so thrilled that she's here although I'm a bit nervous about how she's going to act. She hasn't even had a halter on in about 6 weeks. When she stepped off the trailer today she looked so nasty. As in, not only covered with dirt and other unnessessary particles, but she has like zero muscle and looks like a nasty mustang. She honestly looked like no one had ever touched her before soooo, with Kayla's help, I clipped her face up and cut her pastern hairs. I also trimmed her mane and tail so give it a more organized/polished look. Then she got a good long bath with conditioner too. She looks like a whole different horse thankfully except for the skinny-no-muscle problem which will change soon too. I just didn't want her going into class looking like I just brought her in from the pasture (even though I kinda did).
I'm thrilled to have her back and can't wait to work with her again!
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